Sometimes, being a girl is downright scary.
With the roller coaster of emotions, constant to-do list rolling around in my brain, the messes, cries for help, and the need to be what everyone needs me to be when I know I don’t have what it takes…
Yep, it seriously scares the living daylights out of me some days (or most days?).
But, if I can be honest {gulp}, do you know what’s even more scary than that? Interacting with the rest of the girls on this planet. Now that has caused more tears and lost sleep than I care to admit.
Not long ago, during a pointed conversation with a sweet friend, something random hit a nerve, and I. lost. it. I was appalled with myself, because I “never” do that. I ugly cried right there in my kitchen and I couldn’t figure out why. There were a thousand whispers hurling,“You’re not good enough”, “They don’t really like you”…the insecurity and comparisons rolled in thick. A knot inside my stomach completely knocked all joy and peace right out the window.
My prayers felt jumbled as I tried to make sense of the mess inside my heart. I felt like a high school girl creating a soap opera inside my head.
Almost without expecting an answer, I cried, “God, what is wrong with me?!”
I heard His clear voice echo inside my heart,
“You’re more afraid of other people than you are of Me.”
Ouch.
The Lord immediately brought this verse to mind:
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. We love because He first loved us.” - I John 4:18-19
I realized that I had been literally steeped in fear of others instead of fearing Him. That paralyzing fear was stifling His love from flowing in my life. Not only had it squelched my communion with Him, but it had tainted my view of others. The unhealthy, insecure fears infested within my heart were specifically robbing me of true friendship and community with other women.
As I allowed this realization to sink into my heart, something happened. I began to read scriptures about fearing Him only, realigning my heart to His, and suddenly the floodgates opened. I felt His love wash over me in a way that I can’t explain. I felt steady, more sure of my steps, even though nothing about me had really changed.
The thing about His love? It’s the kind that flows in as liquid grace. It fills in the cracks and crevices of all of our weaknesses and flaws. And suddenly, as the fear diminished, I saw others through new eyes. People were no longer scary giants I could never please, but fellow sojourners in desperate need of the same grace salve that I needed, too: His love.
Don’t we all need that desperately? And don’t we all crave that kind of community filled with His love and grace freely given?
I know I do.
I also know that being real with other women is scary. But, do you want to know a little secret? We’re all just a little scared on the inside. Can we trust that as His perfect love and grace covers all of us, maybe, just maybe we don’t have so much to be afraid of, after all?
Because any fear other than fear of Him – it puts us in a prison. But His perfect love?
It sets us free.
The sky is the limit, and He’s here, my dear sisters.
The grace is thick, and we’re all heading in the same direction.
Let’s fly together, shall we?
Have you struggled with fears that have inhibited community? How has God helped you to overcome it?
Photo Credit: Let’s Fly
About Ashlie Oestreich
Just the other day I was with my 18-year-old daughter and we were standing beside one of those “perfect girls”. I saw her staring at us, and I was undone. I thought, WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME, that I could be affected this way at my age??? I had to go and remind myself of what I tell my daughters (and what you’ve reminded us all of here) — on the inside, we’re ALL a little scared. I’m so thankful for His perfect love, which casts out that fear. Thank you, Ashlie. Great post.
It tends to sneak up on us, doesn’t it? Boy, have I had those moments way more than I’d like to admit! Not only is the feeling horrible, but also the guilt over having the feeling in the first place! I’m so thankful for His love that fills and heals…the Lord knows I’ve tried too many ways that didn’t work.
Thanks, Amy!
I do struggle daily, with the “I’m not good enough, they don’t accept me” feelings. But then I remember the “glue” that binds us and realize that “glue” is Jesus Christ and He loves and accepts me, so if it’s a community made with HIM in the midst, then I am loved. Thank you for pointing this out.
YES!! The glue that binds…I love that, Lori. So true…the only true community is where He is there. Things tend to fall apart without Him, don’t they? Glad I’m not the only one in this struggle…Thank you Lori, I appreciate you!
Dear Ashlie,
What a beatiful post. I loved the phrase in your bio “recovering perfectionist.” I, too, am one of those, although on many days I am not “recovering.” God has given me four precious children to help me overcome my need to be “perfect,” which I think is really a need to avoid the fear you described in your post. I know I’ll re-read this many times, because I am afraid, and I need to be reminded that, with faith, there is no need to be.
Blessings,
Erin
Erin,
I had to laugh because there are so many days that I’m doing more “reverting” than “recovering”, too. I totally agree…perfectionism is a good way to deal with the fear of…well, just not being good enough. It’s so exhausting! I’m so thankful for God’s love that irradiates those fears when I let Him in.
Thank you so much for your sweet words, and for sharing your heart! It helps so much to know we’re not alone!
Ashlie, you couldn’t have known when you wrote this how it would speak to me. I struggle with fear in ways I cannot believe. I am constnalty fighting theoverwhelming feelings of inadequacy, and don’t you know that the enemy needles this weakness and uses it as a constant threat to my faith. I love that verse from 1John because it speaks a truth to my heart that I have SUCH a hard time believing. Thank you for this, my weet friend. I love your words, your heart.
Oh Kris, that means so much…it blesses me to know that He might use my struggles to encourage another. That fear is something that nags constantly some days, especially inadequacies. And that’s so true…the enemy knows our weaknesses and targets those areas to jeopardize His work in us. Sometimes it is literally paralyzing…fear does that doesn’t it?!
I am praying for you today (and would you pray for me, too??)…I know that He has given us both the victory, and walking in that is often where I fall short. Let’s rejoice in His love that gives us the victory today, shall we?? May you bask in it to day and walk in it! I, for one, love the unique and beautiful art that the Lord creates through you. You are precious and I’m so thankful for you!
This is so good, Ashlie! Wish we were neighbors
I’m praising God with you over the work He is doing in your life! I’m right there with you. I find that the more confident I am in Christ, the less I need to rely on the attention of others. We all need relationships but they can’t rule over us. Thanks for this today!
Christina, that is so true….the more He fills me, the less I try to grapple at other things that are fleeting. He has a way of making everything else dim in the light of His glorious love!
Pretty sure there is a house for sale down the street, if you’re interested…hehe.
Great post Ashlie! I struggle with this too. I am not through it yet but really, this side of eternity, will I be?! However what I constantly say to myself is “my worth is not in other people’s words or actions, my worth is found in Jesus and Jesus alone!”
One more reason to look forward to being home with Him one day! You’re right…I don’t think we’re always in process until we meet Him face to face. I’m glad He’s patient with me, especially on those days when I feel I’m stuck in finding my worth in others, like you mentioned. In Christ alone!
Thank you Janet, so glad you’re here!
I worry too much about what others think of me, when I should be concentrating on what a loving Heavenly Father thinks of me. The rest ultimately don’t matter.
You’ve got it, girl. I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles….you’re in good company here! I pray that we are able to focus on our Heavenly Father so much so that the rest really does fade. Thanks, Lisa!
Sometimes I struggle with fear, especially that the other ladies in my church won’t like me because I’m stingle, because I”m still floundering in the job market etc…but you are right, that what really matters is what He thinks of me…and I think that much of this comes from not having a true understanding of who we are in Christ!!!
Great post. Thank you. Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather 
Oh, Heather, sending hugs right back to you!! Thank you for your vulnerability. God knows exactly where you are…and I think we’re all floundering in some way or another if we’re honest.
I pray that His love will envelope you when you feel like withdrawing into those fears. You are absolutely right…the hardest times in my life when I was drowning in fear were because I had ultimately lost sight of Jesus and who I am as His daughter.
So blessed to have you as a sister!
Well, if the blogging community has taught me one thing so far, it’s that I’m not the only one!!! I am not surrounded by women who feel 100% secure in themselves, even though I’d convinced myself of it! It’s so beautiful when we learn to let Him take us high above the fears and insecurities.
Lovely words, as always, Ashlie! <3
I think I’ve often convinced myself that many woman surrounding me are completely secure, too. It makes for a tough time! And such a lie to believe….I keep praying that I’ll cling to truth and recognize those lies/fears when they come. And I agree….the beauty to be found with Him makes those fears seem so small!
Thank you Katie, you have become dear to me!!
Oh goodness! I have often hid behind that Jesus is my best friend and that I really don’t need anyone else. Fear of other woman and sharing was what caused me anxiety in going to Relevant. It was so tough to be around strangers and try to feel real. It made me miss my “at-home” friends which was a good realization. But you are right, we are all on the same journey and it just takes one of us willing to make that “real” step forward to develop life long friendships. Thanks for sharing.
With Joy, Carey
Oh Carey, I can relate to that! It’s so much easier to say “I don’t need anyone” than to admit our hurts and fears! I haven’t yet been to Relevant…but just the thought of it has caused me some anxiety in those areas. Although I’m also excited to meet sweet friends, I know I’ll have to face that again if I have the opportunity to go this fall.
Praying that we’ll both continue to be women who step forward and are “real” like you said! Easier said than done, but so rewarding when He gives us the strength.
Thank you so much for being here!
Ashlie…I know this has touched many of us as women…it IS scary,, and in so many ways. Thank you for your fresh reminders to let His grace fill those crevices. Your testimony and encouragement has touched and changed the way women think. Praise Him!
You never cease to bring encouragement, and I love you for that! YES, praise Him for His grace that fills and never runs dry! Praying that we all walk in it when those fears threaten to overtake. Thankful to have you as a sister
What a great post! Thank you I needed to hear this… I’m constantly fighting that wrong kind of fear… and the “am I good enough” questions. So glad you shared this!
So glad it encouraged you, Sarah! One thing is for sure, we’re all not alone in this struggle…though it often seems like it. Thank you
You’ve spoken such beautiful truth here, Ashlie. You’re right: “We’re all just a little scared on the inside.” Thank you for reminding us (me) we’re not alone in these fears, and that freedom is found in Christ and His amazing grace. God bless you, sister!
Thank you, Jana. Oh yes….soooo much freedom and grace! I think we’ve barely scratched the surface…thankful for His grace through the process. Love to you, friend!
Hm, I think God is trying to tell me something. You see, in the past couple months I have been going to a new church. I joined a Women’s Sunday School class. However, I have not actually got involved in the class at all. And the whole reason I began looking for a new church was because I wanted a place where I could get involved. But I have been so intimidated and nervous in this Sunday School class that I’ve barely said a word. In the past few weeks, there has been something I really needed prayer for and yet, I was too scared to open up with these new women and ask for their prayers. How silly of me! I think, through your post, that God is telling me I have nothing to fear with these women. I can be open and get involved in the conversation. I look forward to church tomorrow morning and the challenge of pushing my fear aside for something way better — true encouraging relationships.