If you’ve participated in online life for very long, chances are you’ve had your feelings hurt. In some cases, you may have been on the flip side and caused some hurt feelings. But let’s be honest. This happens in our “real life” relationships as well.
So what makes it different when it happens online?
Unfortunately, it may happen more often than we think without us even realizing it. With so much communication happening through comments, texts, tweets, and status updates, we no longer have the ability to decipher sarcasm, body language, or facial expression. What we type that may be funny in our head may come across as rude or hurtful across the wires.
Recently I was teasing a friend through a conversation on twitter. My sense of humor often times is sarcastic, but without the inflection in my voice and smile on my face, the conversation came across to my friend as hurtful. Thankfully she was brave enough to email me and tell me that she had been hurt by my comments. I was mortified! I always try to encourage through the words I post online. I immediately responded back to her and begged her forgiveness.
I was lucky that my friend had the courage to call me out when I had hurt her. I was thankful because I certainly did not want to lose her as a friend! Many times we have a tendency to take those comments to heart, then we unfriend, unlike, unfollow, and too quickly write off that relationship, burning bridges in our wake.
What if we took a moment before hitting the delete button to offer grace? Maybe we could give the benefit of the doubt, knowing they most likely did not intend to offend.
But then, let’s also keep a close watch over our words, self-editing our comments with love and mercy, seeking to encourage, uplift, and applaud!
Sisters, let us not just be hearers of the Word, but doers of the Word:
About Cherie Froelich
Wonderful words of truth Cherie! The online world can be difficult to decipher because we are not face to face with one another. Excellent reminder that we are responsible for all our communications and should seek to edify one another.
Thanks Susan!
I love your quote from Thessalonians, Cherie. It is only recently that I have become acquainted with the idea of “lifting up” others through prayer – even though I have been a lifelong Catholic. Oddly enough, I heard those words from Martin Sheen in an interview and they stayed in my heart. Now I have learned that we can indeed lift others up through prayer, and what a wonder that is! Thank you for your excellent reminder of that.
Blessings,
Erin
It is an indescribable gift we can give others, isn’t it?
oh girl – I love you so much. (hugs)
Right back at ya, girlfriend!!
just promise next time to include the other gal has a pretty good sense of humor too. ;p
I have had this happen to me before, and I am a big joker, so I’ve had to learn how to really use the smiley’s when I do this. But yes, we are to lift one another up in prayer, this is a nice reminder. Imagine how we change the world by praying for all those we know, on our “friends” list and in real life.
Thanks Lori. Let’s change the world together!
I LOVED this post!! It’s true, that there IS SOOO much room for misinterpretation, in the typed word. I know I am guilty of sarcastic-quick-wit humor, in real life AND online, and it’s all often a RIOT in my own head. I always say, “No one laughs at my jokes harder, than I do!” I think sometimes I take a risk, with my need to say my funny thing, but fear it’ll be taken the wrong way enough, that I am sure to use my emotion-cons! ; ) LOL. I’m big on the winks and smilies! But the last thing I would ever want to do, is hurt anyone’s feelings. So I do try to be careful with my wording. And at times I do find myself wondering how someone really meant something, as well.
The internet is such a powerful tool, to help offer our supportive words, encouragement, prayers and love, across the miles. I’m so thankful to have it!! Using it for the good of God, and what He asks of us, is the best thing we can do online. Thanks for the great reminder. : )
Laura, you’ve expressed exactly what I am usually thinking–it was a RIOT in my own head! I’m learning slowly to temper the party as to not hurt others who don’t “get” me!
I soo agree. I think a lot of miscommunication can happen through text. It’s important to make certain we understand the other party’s heart.
I try to remember when I am writing on a topic from a specific angle, that I clarify it. I’m not perfect at it, but I do try.
Thank you for sharing!
Excellent words and a super reminder!! Thank you.
Thanks for stopping in today, Tammy.
Thanks for these precious words this morning. Needed them and the truth behind them. Encouraging words for sure!
Thank you Alene. So glad you stopped in today!
Thank you for this reminder. I truly appreciate these humble, wise words, sister!!
Thanks Kris. Nothing like eating Crow to learn a hard lesson!
These words are very fitting for digital society we live in now. I was recently the object of an online slam I guess you could say. I decided after much thought to unplug from facebook. People are often much braver behind the facade of a computer monitor. I figure if the people on facebook were true friends, they would still want to be involved in my life. I have not regretted my unplugging.
Lisa, I so agree with you. Hiding behind a computer screen to spew unkind words seems so juvenile to me. Great decision in guarding your heart when needed!
This has happened to me several times friend. I find it much harder to gauge online relationships than IRL ones because I struggle with women in general. I’ve always been more comfortable around guys than girls, and have been hurt so many times by relationships over the years.
Knowing this about myself, and having learned the hard way several times, I try super hard to filter my words. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve typed something and then erased it before hitting “send.” I also know that because I oversee the writing at the MOB Society, I’ve probably hurt people’s feelings by not choosing them to write for us, or not picking their guest post for the site. It hurts me that I’ve hurt others through that.
Sometimes I think this whole social media thing, helpful as it can be, isn’t really worth it, you know?
Good post friend. Much to think about.
Thanks Brooke. I hope you know how much you add to this online community we call blogging. I’d hate to be in it with out you! I have gleaned so much from you. I think in this area we just have to be super careful and discerning about the words we share. Hopefully we all choose only those that are uplifting!
Love you friend.
I love you, Cherie. You always have words of wisdom to share!! And this one is full of them.. Great reminder. Though I have never unfriended someone I have felt the sting of it happening to me, only to find out they unfriended everyone and closed their account. Though I felt silly afterwards the sting was still the same.
Cherie, you are so sweet….I am humbled.
Hi y’all,
Please don’t laugh but I’m kinda new to social networking and just this morning I opened a Facebook account. I’ve heard so much about social networking I thought I would see what the fuss was all about. A friend of mine told me about Sisters in Bloom so I just dropped in to say hi and discovered your post about friends online. I hope I can find some Godly Christian women that I can connect with. Your website here is very nice and encouraging. Hope to get to know y’all better!
Welcome Trish! We are so glad that you decided to stop by today. I can guarantee that all of the contributors here at Sisters in Bloom join me in welcoming you to Social Media. Feel free to ask any questions!!
Thank you for this reminder to be careful with our words. It is easy to spread messages so quickly online, and sometimes we forget that our smile and tone can’t be seen and heard. Unintentional damage can be done so quickly!
I also try to remember to give grace to those whose words come across wrong online or in an email. I have to remind myself that they may not mean it in the way it sounds to me.
Great post! I love social media but like you said its so hard to decipher emotion. I always try to add a winky face whenever I’m joking so they at least have some idea. Great insight!
I love this! I actually deleted an email 3 times then picked up the phone to speak to an associate last week because I could not leave the “meanness” out of my typed words!
This is so important to teach our children, too, as I see what my teen nieces are going through on facebook and emailing between them and their friends. So well said. Thank you.
Linda you are so right that we need to teach this etiquette to our teenagers. They do seem to hurt each other often through computer comments.
Such a good reminder! It really is hard to navigate online sometimes because all those little nuances such as tone of voice, facial expression, etc.. just don’t come across. And since the default reaction is often, as you say in the title, to simply unfriend or unfollow quietly, the chance to discuss and repair those relationships isn’t always there. Building and maintaining friendships online is really challenging, but the rewards are so worth it.
Cherie, this is very timely. I’ve been seeing a lot of posts where people mention they’re hurt from being unfriended and have no idea why. I’ve also been on both sides of this post.
Keeping a close watch over my words now. Thank you so much.
It’s hard to learn another’s text, email, twitter, etc language style! Whew. Thank goodness for real friendships where honesty is accepted. Great post friend!
Thanks Daniele!
I know I have offended someone while being my sarcastic self and it stinks! That’s why I am all for a sarcasm font
But, even well intended sarcasm can be hurtful. I heard a speaker say that the subconscious can’t take a joke. Even thought we know something was said just for fun and meant to be harmless, it takes root in our spirit and hurts nonetheless.
Marci, that is such an interesting take on sarcasm–the subconscious doesn’t know the difference. I’ve never heard it described that way. You and I share that sarcastic sense of humor, so I know you can relate!
What a wise word friend. I think it is good to be even more “grace” oriented online than (in)RL. We have to give people the benefit of the doubt.
When I worked on the phone years ago taking orders, I often talked to rude or ungracious people. I had to tell myself “You have no idea what JUST happened to them before they picked up the phone.”
That may work in this world too!
love you dear girl!
Thank you, beautiful Stacey!
I struggle with friendships generally, find it easier to keep others at arms length and thankfully for me the Internet gives me this freedom. But I do watch what I write, ask myself if it can be misunderstood.
Sara, I pray that one day a beautiful friend will walk into your life that will just ROCK. YOUR. WORLD., a friendship that will be so easy, deep and rich, that you’ll just dive right in!
This is so true and so timely.
I wrote about this, “the power of words,” a few weeks back.
http://charinabrooks.wordpress.com/2012/01/28/the-power-of-words/
Thank you for this!