Candy hearts. Chocolates. A dozen red roses. Fancy reservations and romantic cards filled with written sweet-nothings.
‘Tis the season of Valentine’s Day – and high expectations.
There’s something about Valentine’s Day that can pressurize even the stablest of unions – we can be going along just swimmingly and then suddenly expectations knock on the door and barge their way in like the uninvited guests they are.
While my husband and I have found a rhythm to this holiday focused on romantic love, I still remember past Valentine’s Days in which I didn’t have a romantic partner to cuddle on the couch and present me with white fuzzy teddy bears bearing a crimson heart. (Maybe the latter was a good thing.)
But in the end, the best love story ever told happened a little over 2,000 years ago.
In 2001, I surreally watched as the life I had known crumbled right before my very eyes.
My then-husband was using cocaine. He had been unfaithful and sneaky and pretty much everything else that goes with drug addiction.
My father unexpectedly passed away after a life plagued with intense alcoholism.
I still lived in shame and fear over the abortion I had chosen to have just four years prior.
And I had a cancer scare that fall.
At the age of 27, I was shattered. I thought everything I had once dreamed of would never come to fruition – I would never find love again, I would never hear the word “mommy”. I would never exchange knowing glances over a dinner table of innocent chatter and I would never cuddle under warm blankets with a husband who cherished me above all.
So I thought I would just become a career-girl but knew that I would secretly mourn the life that could have been.
But then, Jesus.
I had never had the desire to run yet one winter morning, I arose and declared that I would train for a half-marathon that spring.
I met Him, truly met Him, along a winding path on a cold January while running as fast as I could, thankful for the cold temperatures that masked the real tears streaming down my face.
“Who are you, God, and WHY?” I would ask.
Sure, I knew a little bit about Him. I attended church sporadically during my childhood but I knew nothing about the Bible. Nor did I understand who this Jesus guy was and how He fit into the equation.
So I ran.
I ran away and to and over and under and far and near. I pounded the pavement and listened to worship music and allowed Him to romance me for the first time.
“This grace, this profound love – could it be real?” I asked. ” Is it true that I can become a new creation that You love more than I can fathom and there’s nothing, even that unspeakable sin, you’ll leave unforgiven? Could You really wash me with the water through a son you were willing to sacrifice for me?”
And so we danced, He and I, back and forth through months of those long runs. Through the streaming tears and the questions and the fists in the air - and the finish line.
During our dance, I was led to Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declared the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV)
He comforted and loved and romanced and I allowed myself to think that maybe I would indeed marry again and hear the word “mommy”.
And I did and I hear that word more times a day than I ever could have imagined from the mouths of three beautiful children.
It’s like a song every time and I don’t forget for one second the crown of ashes He turned into a crown of beauty.
“…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt…” – Jeremiah 31:3-4
About Natalie Snapp
OH Natalie I adore you and your story points right to Jesus and His great great love. I am so glad to call you my sister and to hear how Jesus has changed your life!
You shine for Him.
Thank you my sweet IU sister girlfriend!!!
Thanks, sister. I love me some Jesus as you know…:)
GO Cream and Crimson!!!!!!!
Beautiful. From Ashes.
Thanks, Heart Sister.
Keep on keeping on Natalie! You are a good example of what following God’s love does for us!
Thanks, Lori – in Christ alone.
Natalie – I love this…such a beautiful testimony and truth!
Thank you, Jessica – His story, not mine. But thank you for the encouragement!!!
What a powerful testimony Natalie! Thank you for sharing your hope-filled, encouraging story!
Thank you, Kristin. His glory.
Blessings to you and thank you for reading!
Natalie- God has given you a wonderful gift of writing! Thank you for using it to share HIS acceptance, never- ending love, and grace!
Thank you – Glory to Him, yes. I love seeing how He has gifted us all so uniquely to glorify Him. Blessings to you and Happy Valentine’s Day!
So thankful to see where God has brought you! He has brought all of us so far, hasn’t He! Looking forward to getting to know you more! I respect you so much as a writer and as a woman of God. Blessings!
Thank you, Christina. Blessings to you.
Your life is a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you, Barbie. God uses us all, doesn’t He?
You blessed me today! Thank you. X
You are welcome – thank YOU for taking a moment to read. I’m humbled and grateful.
What an incredibly encouraging story!!! There IS hope! Thank you so much for sharing this today.
Always. Hope never ends and it can never be taken from you – that’s the best part.
What a testimony you have. Wow. God has given you so many precious gifts through your struggles and triumphs, all for His glory! Awesome!!
Thank you so much, Kris. Yes – ALL glory to Him. I take none of it because it’s simply HIS story told through this imperfect shell. Blessings to you today!
It is comforting to know that Christ knows and understands our struggles and is there for us whenever we are ready to reach out to him. The running helps, too.
YES – there is literally no emotion He can’t understand. I love his complete intimacy that is available to each of us. And yes…ahh…the running. Never thought I would EVER say THAT but ’tis true, ’tis true…
Dear Natalie,
You are so strong and courageous, for having written this post, for having endured what you have, and for keeping your heart open to receive Christ in the aftermath. Somehow chocolates and flowers don’t seem very important once I read your story. Thank you so much for sharing and for demonstrating that, somehow, the Lord gives us the strength to rise up from the depths of sorrow, horror and grief and, in the process – if we’re lucky – makes us stronger and closer to Him.
Blessings,
Erin
Thank you, sweet friend. You bless me, girlfriend.
Yes, it’s really true! He does love us that deeply…the greatest love story of all. Thank you dear sister for your words of honesty and truth today.
You’re welcome, Daniele. Be blessed, sister!
What a profoundly beautiful testimony. Those who have hit their lowest point and were raised up and reborn through His love are often the ones who love Him the best. Praying for a friend in a similar situation to your own…your story shows that there is always hope in His love and mercy.
Thank you for having the courage to share…what a blessing to those who need it!
God bless you!
You know, Lisa Maria, that is precisely why I DO share my story with such honesty – I remember being in the pits of hell during that time and those who brought me the most comfort were people who had “run through hell wearing gasoline panties” as I like to say…They gave me hope that the pit I was in wouldn’t last forever and reassured me that I would grow deeper in my faith and walk closer to Him. They were right.
Blessings to you and prayers for your friends – please tell her she will get through this and if she knows Jesus, which I pray she does, she will be even closer to Him than before.
What a story….full of hope and encouragement and love
Thanks for sharing with us today 
Happy Valentine’s Day. Love and hugs from the ocean shores of California, Heather 
Thanks, Heather – sitting in the Midwest amidst snow and freezing temperatures…I would MUCH rather be here than by the ocean shores of California…HA.
Blessings to you and thanks for reading and commenting!
Natalie, I love reading stories about how God uses those bleak times that we think are useless for His glory! You are living Genesis 50:20, and many lives are being saved. Thank you for your transparency. We need more writers like you willing to share so that others can be healed!
I am also a runner, and always feel like I hear God the clearest when I’m running. It’s a wonderful feeling isn’t it! If only I could run with pen and paper to write it all down!
Many blessings to you this Valentine’s Day!!
Brenda, I can’t tell you how many times I have thought this – YES!!!! I wish I could take a notepad with me!!!!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!!
“But then, Jesus” Love this.
But for the grace of God, where would any of us be? Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is a beautiful one of redemption & pursuit by Our Creator. I am so blessed by your vulnerability! Have a great day!
Ah, yes. But for His grace. Completely.
Thanks, Kyra. He tells a good story, doesn’t He?
What a beautiful testimony Natalie! Thank you.
All good things!
Thanks, Charina! Every good and perfect thing comes from above…
A beautiful story of God’s redemption, I love to hear your testimony and I just love you! Thanks for sharing this so all of us can be blessed. Truly you are an “ashes from beauty” sister of mine!
Blessings friend.
Thank you, sister. And thank you for creating this soft place to land. Much love to you, girl.
thank you for sharing. I have dealt with my mothers painpill/alcoholism abuse my entire life. She died 8 years ago due to suicide/ overdose when I was 37 weeks pg with my 2nd child. I have so many issues, and cant forgive her. I want to know the Lord but i feel that my life is to messed up and i need to fix it first to become a real christian. I had an abortion when I was 16 as well. I have also struggled with painpill addiction after the birth of my 2nd child….i just wanted to numb the pain of my mother dying, then had a wakeup call realizing that I was becoming my mother. I have now been clean for 4 years, thankfully my addiction didn’t get to bad. But it is still a struggle, I will not take any pain medication as I enjoy the feeling it gives me
Oh, honey. Have I so been where you have walked.
First of all, please remember that Jesus came for the sick – He didn’t come for the well. And if we all waited until we weren’t so messed up before we decided to follow Him? There would be no Christians at all.
Jesus was the starting point in my journey of healing and forgiveness – He came in, lifted me up out of a horrible pit and showed me where to start my journey. The Bible is where I still turn to each day – if you want good truth, sister, search no further.
Take a moment and read Isaiah 61 – my favorite chapter of the Bible. He came to bind up the broken-hearted and set the captives free. He turns the crown of ashes to one of beauty.
Your broken heart will be bound up. You will be set free. And He’ll use your story for good.
No, life is not perfect once we decide to follow Jesus but let me tell you, it is FAR better than what it was for me before I knew Him because I began to see who I was in His eyes. You might want to also check out http://www.fathersloveletter.com. Watch that beautiful video and relish in how HE sees you.
Blessings, Michelle. I’m praying for you.
Thanks Natalie. Im having a REALLY hard time in my life right now. I have 5 kids…1 is 21 months the other just 3 months. I have always struggled with PPD and I have it right now, its getting bad. I dont want to leave the house, I hate the way I look, I need to work out but dont have the energy. My 21 month old is soooo high maintenance and screams all day. I cant even take him to a store cause he screams. I am lonely and depressed and need friends. I have no family around, and my DH is gone from 5am-7pm 5 days a week. I desperately wanted breastfeeding to work out but it didnt. I think I need to get on an antidepressant but my husband is against it….he thinks the depression is all in my head.
I know once spring is here i will be better, i did sign up for a playgroup that starts next week and I am going to go, I have got to get out of this house!!!Sorry for the vent, im just having a really rough time.
Oh Michelle, I know what it’s like to have a husband who thinks depression is “all in your head.” Mine kept telling me to “stop thinking that way” as if it was a choice. A few years back I went into a tailspin when I found out I was unable to conceive….but what made it worse was that I was also experiencing symptoms of peri-menopause.
I found a wonderful Dr. who prescribed medication, and my husband eventually came around, but what helped me more than anything was re-falling in love with Jesus. Once I started actively searching for Him I realized He had been by my side all along just waiting for me to catch up. I know that might sound corny, or too hard to understand, but I have such peace with Him in my life. He’s the best friend I turn to over and over again, especially when I feel like no one else understands.
One of my favorite authors is Beth Moore. I’m going to write some of her words down for you. She always explains things much better than I.
“God is not only the answer to a thousand needs, He is the answer to a thousand wants. He is the fulfillment of our chief desire in all of life. For whether or not we’ve ever recognized it, what we desire is unfailing love. Oh, God, awake our souls to see- You are what we want, not just what we need. Yes, our life’s protection, but also our heart’s affection. Yes, our soul’s salvation, but also our heart’s exhilaration. Unfailing love. A love that will not let me go!” Beth Moore
God bless you sweetie….I don’t know exactly what you are going through, but at some point we have all been where the doubt, loneliness, and depression seem to outway the hope, but there is Hope and you will find it through His love.
I have you in my prayers. Please feel free to contact me through my blog if you would like to talk ♥
Such a beautiful God glorifying testimony. God is so good, indeed! I can totally relate to running a half marathon for the first time, during the most difficult storm of life. I did the same thing. I actually felt like God had pushed me to do it. And I’d lose myself in His presence through the worship music on those long runs. Then the day of the half marathon it was as if God just picked me up, showed me the beauty of His creation all around me, and carried me right to the finish line. The race itself was so easy. The recovery afterward was painful though, as I could barely walk for two days afterward. Lol! Thanks for sharing your story.
Blessings,
~Rosann
Yes, yes, yes!! Thank you for sharing your miracle story. So often in our day-to-day drudgery we can forget that God is a miracle-worker. We need to be reminded that his mercy and grace does indeed extend to US–wherever we may be. Thank you for the powerful reminder!
Oh Natalie, sister, ex-roomie, friend, I’m learning more about you and stand in awesome thanks for what God does to turn lives around to restore brokenness. What a testimony you have! Praise Him from whom all blessings flow!!! Love you, girl!
Amen! Your testimony is beautiful and leads right to Jesus. So often it’s easy to move through this world trying to do it on our own — but your cry of just give me Jesus is evident. Thank you for being real and sharing your heart. Love you!
Oh, wow, Natalie. Your post brings me to tears. Thank you. And I treasure this: “And so we danced, He and I, back and forth through months of those long runs. Through the streaming tears and the questions and the fists in the air – and the finish line.” I understand this here. So beautiful, this Love I can’t even understand. Thank you.
How simply beautiful Natalie! You made me tear up!
Love, Traci
Natalie,
I can feel the love you have for Jesus simply oozing out through your words and I just love that about you. Thank you for giving voice to emotions we all feel when we think about His love for us, and our love for Him. God bless.
Brought me to tears. Your writing is a gift indeed. Bless you for opening up and sharing so we can see God’s love story in your life!