Friendships

Hiding In The Shadows?

April 17, 2012 By September McCarthy 16 Comments

There is a quiet, observing place that holds safety for many women.

You know this place, don’t you?

It could be on-line, at an event, a party, Church, or even at home… on your computer…

Hiding in the shadows of other women with bigger personalities, bolder voices, and charming lives.

Quietly lurking, or letting the conversations drift around us.. being present, but not making ourselves known.

Perhaps thinking that we are not so interesting, or as captivating as others.

Learning, Listening, and Lurking – Quietly in the Shadows.

This is not about insecurities, or the shy. I speak to all women. You and me.

We all fit into this category at some point in time, at some function or another, and even here – in the on-line community.

But, you visit here to find encouragement. And you have found the right place.

You do not need to hide in the shadows here.

We want to meet you friend. Your presence will bless us, and encourage US.

It is sometimes the hardest thing to be the first one to speak, or to wonder if you will say the right thing.

It has been on my heart to encourage other’s that feel this way – that fellowship with women – is not a safe place. That they have nothing to offer, or will not be noticed.

This is the safe place – a balm for the weary soul. A fresh drink of water, and a hug for everyone.

You have something to share. You have ideas, thoughts, experience, and most importantly – Your Story.

Will you share it with us?

I will join you in coming out from the shadows of that safe place. The quiet and observing place.

Let’s do this together – the Lord has given us all a story – and there is not one that is insignificant.

Well, hello there! What is Your Story?

Filed Under: Friendships, Sisterhood

When You’ve Run Dry

April 11, 2012 By Ashlie Oestreich 36 Comments

Sometimes, it’s all I can do just to show up.

My days are often packed to the brim, even if half of it is just the lists and expectations inside my head to do it all.

I glance around the table, and there is that awkward half-second where I’m not sure where to sit, or where I’d feel the most welcome. I’m not sure why, because I’ve known these girls for what seems like a long time, and shouldn’t we all be able to let down our hair and feel comfy without an introduction?

But, it’s been a while. Too long.

Our fingers wrap around steaming mugs, and we trade stories. The air is light, but really – I want to go deep. I don’t always know how to get there, but my soul craves it. Not just a rundown of the latest sale or the best recipe. No, I’m empty, tired, and worn thin. I’ve been pouring out much longer than my meager supply gives, and I’m bone dry. My heart feels the drought, and I pray for rain.

I’ve both looked forward to and dreaded this all day because I know how much I need it, it makes me cry to feel the loneliness in a crowd. And yet I dread it because it scares me to death. I don’t want to disappoint, and I don’t to leave disappointed. I want to reach out to others, and I need a hand to grasp mine, too – but somehow reaching that short distance across the table becomes miles long and my heart doesn’t have the strength. It’s just easier to sit back, and be comfy in my shell. To smile, nod, laugh at all the right times, and say, “I’m good, how about you?”

The coffee shop ambience envelopes us. We talk about church, and showing God’s love to the needy. Ideas for outreach and missionary trips. Good stuff, really and truly, because those things are important.

There is a lull in the conversation, and the echo of hearts beating dry and thirsty becomes loud. We all know it. We’ve seen it in each other’s eyes, but our insecurities hold us back from joining hands. Somehow in our Christian walk we’ve been fooled into thinking that showing weakness or emotion equates lack of faith and immaturity.

She swallows hard, takes a deep breath, and speaks soft and brave,

“You know, I love all of you, and I know you love me, but do we really know each other? Do we know what’s going on? Do we know how we hurt? We’re sitting here talking about how to love one another and help those in need. Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m just as needy as anyone we might hope to reach out to.”

Thud. The walls begin to fall fast.

Tension releases, shoulders sag instead of feigning strength, and breath catches.

Another girl shares, open and raw. Hearts soften and hands reach across the table. Eyes become wet and burdens are spread from weary shoulders, lightening the load for all.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2

I’m convicted and I see my pride that has stood in the way of connecting. I so wanted to have it together, but in doing so I’d nearly fallen apart. I need them, His agents of grace and love like rain. He weaves our hearts together through the baring of souls, and it’s breathtaking. My eyes blur with tears, too, and He is there in our midst, pouring His love into us by His Spirit working through one another. It’s beautiful, and I drink it in. Right there, in midst of overhead music, the distant whir of the espresso machine and soft chatter…the burdens lift, the rain pours down, and we are filled.

I love that my friend was brave enough to step out, humble herself, and break through the walls of pride that keep us silent. I’m sure it blessed her to share, but it blessed the rest of us more to share in her struggle.

Because, after all, how are we to bear one another’s burdens – to pour out and receive His love into dried hearts – if all we talk about is the weather?

I don’t want to just talk about the rain.

I want to dance in it, splash in it, drink it in, and be filled.

Are you lonely or dry and feeling the need for His rain? Your soul is welcome here…how can we pray for you?

Filed Under: Community, Encouragement, Friendships, Loneliness, Sisterhood, Sisters In Christ, Womanhood

In Which I Speak of Defining Friendships…..

April 2, 2012 By Juanita Philben 9 Comments

When I think back on my forty years of life I am hard pressed to find one thing that has impacted my days more than the treasure of friends.

We learn it young and grow it through the years. The principals of relationship. The basics of trust and safety and love.

It’s simple….

Yet so complex.

And, somehow it seemed much easier in my younger days. In the days when responsibilities weighed on someone else and all that consumed our thoughts was a good game of hide and go seek. Friendship came easy then. There were no rules. We just played.

But, as the years started passing by, the rules began to stack up. Defeat trumped success and I quickly found myself empty handed. Alone. Isolated. And, desperate for something more.

We were created for relationship.

So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God He created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:26-27 NLT

Looking at the people around me, struggling within, I had a desire for more. An insatiable craving for deep relationships built on substance and not lacking in longevity.

We need to surround ourselves with those friends who will propel us inward toward the heart of Christ, forsaking the heart of the world we live in.

We desperately need INTENTIONAL, AUTHENTIC friendships!

These relationships seat Christ in the middle. The very axis by which all relational equations rotate. These friendships are not:

Jealous

Envious

Boastful

Arrogant

or self seeking.

Christ centered friendships weather the storms of many trials, driving the roots of the friendship deeper.

Authentic relationships actively engage in nurturing the heart and soul, seeking to embrace the very manifestation of the roots of our creator.

These friendships place a superior value on vulnerability and transparency, burying the masks of stereotypical relationships.

True authentic relationships see the value in differences being rooted in the ONEness of Christ. The centrifugal forces of love and respect dictate the very words and actions of all members.

It is in these friendships where we see the primal value in being right with God above being right with THIS world.

These relationships possess an intimacy which can only be achieved through a delicate balance of nature verses nurture. A prayerful dance with the creator of our days.

But as a woman, these are not things that come easily. These are the things we struggle with.

Daily.

So many of us have been wounded and hurt by other women causing us to retreat and build walls around ourselves. Sheltering fortresses that lock out the very thing we need the most.

Relationship.

It is absolutely necessary for us to plant the seeds of friendship. To carefully tend the gardens that we plant, creating roots that run oceans deep.

We must RISK it all for the sake of loving and being loved, for the sake of creating community with one another.

We must learn to love well. Placing priority on making the most of every moment…. every day.

And, friendship is the soil in which the seeds of love are sewn.

Authentic relationships give us the opportunity for Christ’s love to excel and to propel…

Each of us.

To the place we are called to be.

A place of community with one another.

What kind of seeds are you planting today…. and how will you tend your garden?

BLOOM my friends…

RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED.

Two are better than one; because they have good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV

Filed Under: Encouragement, Friendships, Sisterhood, Womanhood

Don’t Give Up! Loving a Difficult Person

March 26, 2012 By Teri Lynne Underwood 12 Comments

Remember last month when I asked if you’ve ever wondered if managing all the “stuff” of relationships is worth it? And, if we are all honest, sometimes we feel like it’s just not. Well, I have to imagine that Ruth may have felt the same way at some point. Remember her? {Hint, there’s a book with her name in the Old Testament.}

Her husband died. Her brother-in-law died. Her father-in-law died. Her mother-in-law decided to move back to her homeland. And Ruth, because of the cultural expectation at the time, was obligated to go with her. But Naomi told Ruth not to come, freed her from the bond, and encouraged her to go home – politely at first, then more urgently.

Ruth refused, giving us one of the most poignant declarations of faith in all of Scripture … claiming not just relationship with Naomi but also belief and loyalty to Naomi’s God. {See Ruth 1:16-17}

Naomi’s response?

“And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.” (1:18 ESV)

Nice, huh? No “Welcome” or “Thank you” or a word of encouragement or instruction. Nothing. Naomi said nothing. When they arrived at Bethlehem, Naomi had a declaration of her own, not of God’s grace and provision but rather a declaration of despair.

So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth1:19-21 ESV, emphasis added)

Naomi was bitter … we know this because she renamed herself Mara. Naomi meant “pleasant,” Mara means “bitter.” Anyone enjoy spending a lot of time with a bitter person?

Naomi believed she had nothing … verse 21, “I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty.” I don’t know about you, but if I’d been Ruth, that would have stung a bit.

But rather than treat this bitter, negative woman who was in the midst of a great big pity party with equal bitterness or disrespect, we find that Ruth extended courtesy, respect, and honor … truthfully, that was far beyond what could be reasonably expected of her.

Sometimes we have to do that same thing, don’t we? Grace. It’s tough. Easier to just walk away. Ruth gives us this beautiful example of what a friendship between two women can look like … even if only one is willing.

Sometimes, my friends, we plant those seeds of kindness and it hurts to watch them be buried beneath the frost of someone who rejects our efforts. Learning to trust God’s timing in relationships can be one of our greatest struggles. Perhaps you are dealing with a friend who is bitter or “frosty” right now. It’s hard. But this I know: We can be sure that God remains in control and when we submit ourselves to His plan and His timing, what blooms will bring His Name honor.

How do you deal with the difficult people in your life? What lessons about grace have you learned through managing tough relationships?

Next month, we’ll continue looking at this story of Ruth and Naomi. There are some lessons in here we just can’t afford to miss. I’m already excited about what we’ll be exploring.

Image Credit

Filed Under: Encouragement, Friendships, Grace, Sisterhood

Do our online friendships bring us closer to Jesus?

March 21, 2012 By Guest 11 Comments

The best friend any one of us can have is the one gal who always points us to Jesus.

Online friendships are so very unique. What might hinder us from being friends in the flesh – location, occupation, schedule, age, church affiliation – seems to hold little weight in online circles. Sometimes the most attractive trait in an online friendship boils down to one thing — availability.

Green Facebook squares or Skype clouds make for instant friends. But do they make for quality friends?

Are we so eager for camaraderie that we settle for whoever is online rather than seek out healthy friendships?

Do our online friendships bring us closer to Jesus?

Three years ago I befriended a missionary blogger after exchanging comments on each others’ blogs. Many months into our friendship my blog started to grow and went in a completely different direction than simply documenting family trips. I started hosting giveaways, reviewing books I didn’t even like for page views, and blog hopping.

My online friend questioned my motives. She wanted to know was I doing all this hoop jumping for Kingdom Glory or Stef Layton glory.

I was terribly offended because deep down in my heart I wanted to be a “big blogger” and I didn’t want to answer her question. I was doing what everyone else was doing online – I saw no problem. I responded to her emails in anger and then decided I wanted nothing to do with her. Immediately I deleted our connections.

I wanted to be friends with bloggers who were looking for growth. Blog growth not spiritual growth. Most of those friendships were shallow, depressing, and focused on making our names great – not making HIS NAME great. I believe there is a healthy balance to growing your blog and honoring God. It took me awhile to find it.

If we settle for quick and easy friendships just because someone is online at the same time … we will always end up longing for something deeper.

Do you bring your online friends closer to Jesus?

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Stef is a Word loving homeschool mom – nuts about her husband and 2 superheroes. More likely to get it wrong she requires tons of grace if you want to be friends. Stef blogs at Educating Laytons and created The Homeschool Village.

Filed Under: Friendships, Guest, Sisterhood, Sisters In Christ, Special Features

Ripe With Dreams

March 19, 2012 By Kristin Lemus 17 Comments

I watch her there, hand on her belly, as she braces for the next wave of tightening and pain. I notice how holding a hand seems to ease her tensed face just a bit. I see the concern on the faces around her who are silently lifting her up and occasionally giving voice to their inward thoughts.

“You are doing great.”

“You can do this.”

And she draws strength enough to make it through the next one.

This woman, so pregnant with life, with hope, is laboring. She labors to bring forth that which is unseen inside of her. She has no desire for it to be hidden any longer but exposing this life to the world requires birth…pain and struggle and push. It requires time. Waiting until just the right moment. It cannot happen too late or too soon but at just the perfect moment when body is ripe and the work is complete.

This birthing process itself is beautiful but in this particular moment I realize the beauty of those awaiting the birth with her. They are very much a part of this. She gasps and moans and they soothe and comfort. She is tired and they know she has more in her and call it out. She births and they celebrate and in the celebrating they find hope to let life stir within them as well.

Who among us is ripe with dreams? Who is pregnant with hope for what a creative God has put inside of them? Who has been through the long days of waiting and is about to birth something beyond themselves? Are you the one who holds the hand and encourages her that she can do this?

Isn’t this the beautiful thing about the friendships of women? Sometimes we are the one pregnant but most of the time we are the friend who supports and encourages a dream. That dream could be a ministry, writing a book, an adoption, a baby, a healthy marriage, a child on the wrong path returning, a loved one’s healing…

And we wait with her, suffer with her, hold her hand and wipe her brow. She is exposed and vulnerable and we cover her, let her lean on us and count on us. Our prayers are offered up on her behalf and she feels them giving her strength.

Because we are part of the process we get to rejoice with her when new life breaks forth and the dream is birthed. It is so much sweeter the more you have invested in it.

So let us not be envious or try to force our own birthing before it’s our time. Let us sow seeds into this woman whose time is now. Let us pour into her and play a part in what God is doing. Let God use you as His hands and feet to help deliver that which is His doing. You never know, you might be next.

Where are you right now? What dreams are growing in you waiting to be fully ripened? How can we support and encourage you to birth those God given dreams? How can you support a friend who is in the midst of giving birth to a dream right now?

Photo Credit

Filed Under: Encouragement, Friendships, Sisterhood Tagged With: dreams, friendship

A Beautiful Sisterhood

February 29, 2012 By Jessica Mueller 21 Comments

Wouldn’t it be lovely if the women of the church united as fierce, loyal sisters?

Where our common ground stood not in our denomination or preference for schooling, length of hem, or hermeneutics?

What if we gathered as sisters bond by loyalty and love to our “one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all” (Ephesians 4:6)? What if we listened to each other, truly listened with hearts of compassion, gentleness, and humility?

What if we set aside our pretenses and masks and stopped pretending everything is okay and we’ve got it all together? What if we encouraged others by sharing our dark moments, not just the sunshiny days?

What if we came along the hurting and doubting not with exhortations to “just believe,” but with prayers and grace? What if we not only spoke truth, but spoke truth in love?

What if we walked humbly, unashamedly in our gifts? Might we then see the body of Christ built up and properly working (Ephesians 4:11-12, 16)? What if we had a common goal so strong we left the devil with no chance for a foothold?

What would we be if we imitated God and not others? If we walked in love and laid our lives down like Jesus?

Can you imagine a sisterhood so strong?

So beautiful?

What if I challenged you to wipe the slate clean?

To forgive the past hurts caused by women, step out of your safe group, and lay down the protective shield.

There are generations of women waiting, just waiting for a friend, to be heard, to be seen, to be loved, to see Christ in the church around them.

What if we could revolutionize the world by how we relate to each other?

I believe we can, but it won’t be easy. There will be obstacles, pain, unforgiveness, fear, pride—but I believe that if Jesus called us to live in fellowship as one body, then we can.

I believe in this beautiful, broken sisterhood.

I believe in grace and unity,

I believe loving your enemy and forgiving the backstabber is completely in the realm of possibility.

I believe it is possible for the women of God to be truth-speakers, heart healers, merciful doers, and grace extenders.

I believe God has great things in store for His women if only we’d be willing to walk in bold, humble grace and set the course.

Are you with me?

******

As I look into my own life, I know this kind of sisterhood will be hard. It will require me to be vulnerable time and time again. It’ll ask me to overlook offenses—being forgotten, overlooked, and cast aside. It’ll bring me to places where I’ll have to extend myself in exhausting ways—it’s always easier to put on a smile than to reopen old wounds. It’ll ask me to trust God more than man. It will change me.

I really, truly believe if I’m brave enough to pull down my walls and offer open-handed, ask for nothing in return friendship, and live broken in God’s grace this sisterhood has a chance.

I’ve decided to make a pledge to my sisters in Christ as a way of saying I am committed to you and to walking in a way that shows I’m changing how I relate.

I’m opening the pledge to you. I want this to be real–online and, more importantly, off. I want a sisterhood I can touch and rely on in the day-to-day.

As a way to walk out this pledge practically and to grow in my own relationships, I’ll be blogging my way through this beautiful sisterhood the 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month and you’re more than welcome to join me.