pruning “if we just” statements

May 3, 2012 By Rachel Martin 12 Comments

You know what I am talking about.

It’s the if we just statements.

If we just did this, we tell ourselves.
If we just lost this.
If we just got up earlier.
If we just cleaned more.
If we just spent less money.
If we just couponed more.
If we just didn’t complain.
If we just worked harder.
If we just homeschooled.
If we just sent our kids to school.
If we just had a better schedule.
If we just volunteered more.
If we just read that book.
If we just did stuff like her.
If we just, if we just, if we just…

What are we doing?

Seriously, friends, my sisters, what are we doing?

There is no ladder of motherhood success. There is no ultimate homemaker. No winner of the blogging world. No amazing wife of the year. And yet, we hold this if we just bar up high for ourselves and often cut ourselves short in what we did do.

What if we just learned to love ourselves the way the Lord sees us? Seriously. What if we worked, and we did our best, our very best, and went to bed at night feeling good about us? About our day? About our family? About what we did do?

What if we stopped asking ourselves if we just and instead defined our worth through the Lord?

We could spin and spin and spin telling ourselves if we just statements throughout our lives. We lose the real, the present, when we allow ourselves to sit in the if we just times of life. Instead of staying there — Do — Define priorities. More often then not you will discover that many of those if we just statements pull us from those that matter most. Our family. Our spouses. Our friends. We run ourselves ragged trying to keep every duck in a row, trying to keep the if we just statements at bay, and we go to bed exhausted thinking we’ll never measure up.

If we just…

Life is not meant to be lived with if we just statements defining us.

Figure out what matters most to you. Do your very best.

Sisters, again, do your very best. Wake up in the morning, dedicate your day to the Lord, move through your day, doing your best.

And do not not let if you just define you – prune that this spring.

Instead, let the Lord define you.

And that? That is beautiful.

Filed Under: Encouragement, Grace, Identity In Christ, Renewing The Mind, Sisterhood

Sisters

April 30, 2012 By Misty Krasawski 14 Comments

Sisters, sisters there were never such devoted sisters … “Sisters,” by Irving Berlin

Right now, my sister and I are out of step.

Divided by three short years, seven large states and a few opposing philosophies, we’ve fallen into a mutual habit of neglect.

“Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.” ~ Prov. 27:10

It’s true, right? The girls I see at church, the ladies who come to my house once a month for book club, even the ones I interact with online all feel closer most of the time than the one I spent 14 years sleeping next to.

I don’t really think that makes God smile. Which makes me think I should probably give her a call.

But will I?

The truth is, I’m relationally lazy. A born introvert with an insecure streak, I put on a brave face in a crowd but honestly prefer to spend much of my time alone. Don’t get me wrong—I love people; love to be with them, love to talk and have tea and discuss issues and worship and learn together. But I need my space. I need to regain the energy expended in the crowd; regroup my nerves, rewind the conversations.

I’ve learned over the years that that’s okay. God wired us all differently. It becomes a problem when I avoid people and start leaning into my hermit-ness.

God knows the truth: He knows that I need sisters.

“It is not good for the man to be alone.” Genesis 2:18.

Truth is, it’s not so great for the woman, either. And we know it, don’t we? We band together on playgrounds and in bathroom lines. We make phone calls and drag one another to the mall for moral support while we pick out the dress, and giggle in corners together at the dance. I’m forty-two years old and have yet to attend a movie alone.

Things are just better with a sister.

So here’s the thing: you need one. You actually need more than one. I believe God calls us all to real-life relationships with people we can touch. And if you don’t have any sisters, it’s time to do something about it.

Neighbors, book club pals, fellow soccer moms, Bible study companions … all have the potential to become more than acquaintances: they can become true sisters in Christ. You need someone to bring you chicken soup when you’re down for the count, someone to bare your soul to over a caramel mocha, someone to drive your daughter to ballet when your car breaks down. And you need some women you can be “someone” for, too. Maybe even more than you need someone to be “someone” for you.

May I challenge you, sweet friend? Pray for the Lord to open your eyes. Then, take a look around. Who could you become a sister to?

Now, please excuse me. I have a phone call to make.

Filed Under: Sisterhood, Sisters In Christ

Hiding In The Shadows?

April 17, 2012 By September McCarthy 16 Comments

There is a quiet, observing place that holds safety for many women.

You know this place, don’t you?

It could be on-line, at an event, a party, Church, or even at home… on your computer…

Hiding in the shadows of other women with bigger personalities, bolder voices, and charming lives.

Quietly lurking, or letting the conversations drift around us.. being present, but not making ourselves known.

Perhaps thinking that we are not so interesting, or as captivating as others.

Learning, Listening, and Lurking – Quietly in the Shadows.

This is not about insecurities, or the shy. I speak to all women. You and me.

We all fit into this category at some point in time, at some function or another, and even here – in the on-line community.

But, you visit here to find encouragement. And you have found the right place.

You do not need to hide in the shadows here.

We want to meet you friend. Your presence will bless us, and encourage US.

It is sometimes the hardest thing to be the first one to speak, or to wonder if you will say the right thing.

It has been on my heart to encourage other’s that feel this way – that fellowship with women – is not a safe place. That they have nothing to offer, or will not be noticed.

This is the safe place – a balm for the weary soul. A fresh drink of water, and a hug for everyone.

You have something to share. You have ideas, thoughts, experience, and most importantly – Your Story.

Will you share it with us?

I will join you in coming out from the shadows of that safe place. The quiet and observing place.

Let’s do this together – the Lord has given us all a story – and there is not one that is insignificant.

Well, hello there! What is Your Story?

Filed Under: Friendships, Sisterhood

When You’ve Run Dry

April 11, 2012 By Ashlie Oestreich 36 Comments

Sometimes, it’s all I can do just to show up.

My days are often packed to the brim, even if half of it is just the lists and expectations inside my head to do it all.

I glance around the table, and there is that awkward half-second where I’m not sure where to sit, or where I’d feel the most welcome. I’m not sure why, because I’ve known these girls for what seems like a long time, and shouldn’t we all be able to let down our hair and feel comfy without an introduction?

But, it’s been a while. Too long.

Our fingers wrap around steaming mugs, and we trade stories. The air is light, but really – I want to go deep. I don’t always know how to get there, but my soul craves it. Not just a rundown of the latest sale or the best recipe. No, I’m empty, tired, and worn thin. I’ve been pouring out much longer than my meager supply gives, and I’m bone dry. My heart feels the drought, and I pray for rain.

I’ve both looked forward to and dreaded this all day because I know how much I need it, it makes me cry to feel the loneliness in a crowd. And yet I dread it because it scares me to death. I don’t want to disappoint, and I don’t to leave disappointed. I want to reach out to others, and I need a hand to grasp mine, too – but somehow reaching that short distance across the table becomes miles long and my heart doesn’t have the strength. It’s just easier to sit back, and be comfy in my shell. To smile, nod, laugh at all the right times, and say, “I’m good, how about you?”

The coffee shop ambience envelopes us. We talk about church, and showing God’s love to the needy. Ideas for outreach and missionary trips. Good stuff, really and truly, because those things are important.

There is a lull in the conversation, and the echo of hearts beating dry and thirsty becomes loud. We all know it. We’ve seen it in each other’s eyes, but our insecurities hold us back from joining hands. Somehow in our Christian walk we’ve been fooled into thinking that showing weakness or emotion equates lack of faith and immaturity.

She swallows hard, takes a deep breath, and speaks soft and brave,

“You know, I love all of you, and I know you love me, but do we really know each other? Do we know what’s going on? Do we know how we hurt? We’re sitting here talking about how to love one another and help those in need. Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m just as needy as anyone we might hope to reach out to.”

Thud. The walls begin to fall fast.

Tension releases, shoulders sag instead of feigning strength, and breath catches.

Another girl shares, open and raw. Hearts soften and hands reach across the table. Eyes become wet and burdens are spread from weary shoulders, lightening the load for all.

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2

I’m convicted and I see my pride that has stood in the way of connecting. I so wanted to have it together, but in doing so I’d nearly fallen apart. I need them, His agents of grace and love like rain. He weaves our hearts together through the baring of souls, and it’s breathtaking. My eyes blur with tears, too, and He is there in our midst, pouring His love into us by His Spirit working through one another. It’s beautiful, and I drink it in. Right there, in midst of overhead music, the distant whir of the espresso machine and soft chatter…the burdens lift, the rain pours down, and we are filled.

I love that my friend was brave enough to step out, humble herself, and break through the walls of pride that keep us silent. I’m sure it blessed her to share, but it blessed the rest of us more to share in her struggle.

Because, after all, how are we to bear one another’s burdens – to pour out and receive His love into dried hearts – if all we talk about is the weather?

I don’t want to just talk about the rain.

I want to dance in it, splash in it, drink it in, and be filled.

Are you lonely or dry and feeling the need for His rain? Your soul is welcome here…how can we pray for you?

Filed Under: Community, Encouragement, Friendships, Loneliness, Sisterhood, Sisters In Christ, Womanhood

If Dreams Came Off the Shelf

April 9, 2012 By Jessica Mueller 5 Comments

I have been a dreamer, a cloud watcher, a plan-maker my whole life. I’ve see the world and chances of opportunities have hit me. Possibility painted wide over a blank canvas, beckoning me to come away and paint in big, bold, broad strokes.

The anticipation, the urge to say, “Yes!” and create something out of nothing has surged within me and, yet, rarely have I taken up my courage and sought after it.

Dreaming doesn’t seem very Christian, does it?

These pie in the sky ideas aren’t very realistic. They’re not a sturdy foundation to fall back on, are they? Or so I’ve been told.

I can’t help but wonder how often we’ve missed the invitation of God, because it didn’t seem very realistic. It wasn’t doable.

How many encounters, trips, relationships, jobs, and just about “perfect” opportunities have we missed out of fear? How many of us have packed our dreaming in a box and put it high on the shelf?

How many of us feel guilty for dreaming? I know I do.

Sometimes it feels like to be a Christian your feet must be firmly planted on the ground and you must follow steps 1, 2, 3, and 4, and don’t forget to keep off the grass.

But what if these dreams were birthed in our hearts from the Father?

What if He’s calling us to live beyond ourselves, to accomplish great things through and for His name? What if He’s the one who keeps pulling the box marked ‘Dreams’ off the shelf and cracking the lid just enough to let the fresh air out.

What if He’s been waiting for a vessel—a you, a me, an us—to spread His kingdom come?

Today I want to know what your dream is. What have you set aside for the sake of fear and unrealistic, or that others won’t understand, or the overwhelming weight of the grandeur of the task? What stirs your heart and causes you to smile?

But let me just whisper this—

Dreams look different.

Maybe yours is one of reconciliation, a ministry for widows, a school for children in the heart of Africa, becoming a foster parent, finally being free from shame and guilt and the burden of the past.

Perhaps your heart screams to free the ones swapped back and forth under the lust of sex and greed, to start your own company, to reunite your family, to finally lose that weight, or build your own house out of mud and straw with your own hands.

What lies within you and says, “This will never be done, but by the hand of God.”

Won’t you pull that box out today?

Let’s encourage each other to pursue these in prayer and community.

{Perhaps even share one thing you can do today to walk toward that dream.}

No fear of ridicule here…

Just hearts eager to see the kingdom of God come alive.

Filed Under: Encouragement, Sisterhood

In Which I Speak of Defining Friendships…..

April 2, 2012 By Juanita Philben 9 Comments

When I think back on my forty years of life I am hard pressed to find one thing that has impacted my days more than the treasure of friends.

We learn it young and grow it through the years. The principals of relationship. The basics of trust and safety and love.

It’s simple….

Yet so complex.

And, somehow it seemed much easier in my younger days. In the days when responsibilities weighed on someone else and all that consumed our thoughts was a good game of hide and go seek. Friendship came easy then. There were no rules. We just played.

But, as the years started passing by, the rules began to stack up. Defeat trumped success and I quickly found myself empty handed. Alone. Isolated. And, desperate for something more.

We were created for relationship.

So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God He created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:26-27 NLT

Looking at the people around me, struggling within, I had a desire for more. An insatiable craving for deep relationships built on substance and not lacking in longevity.

We need to surround ourselves with those friends who will propel us inward toward the heart of Christ, forsaking the heart of the world we live in.

We desperately need INTENTIONAL, AUTHENTIC friendships!

These relationships seat Christ in the middle. The very axis by which all relational equations rotate. These friendships are not:

Jealous

Envious

Boastful

Arrogant

or self seeking.

Christ centered friendships weather the storms of many trials, driving the roots of the friendship deeper.

Authentic relationships actively engage in nurturing the heart and soul, seeking to embrace the very manifestation of the roots of our creator.

These friendships place a superior value on vulnerability and transparency, burying the masks of stereotypical relationships.

True authentic relationships see the value in differences being rooted in the ONEness of Christ. The centrifugal forces of love and respect dictate the very words and actions of all members.

It is in these friendships where we see the primal value in being right with God above being right with THIS world.

These relationships possess an intimacy which can only be achieved through a delicate balance of nature verses nurture. A prayerful dance with the creator of our days.

But as a woman, these are not things that come easily. These are the things we struggle with.

Daily.

So many of us have been wounded and hurt by other women causing us to retreat and build walls around ourselves. Sheltering fortresses that lock out the very thing we need the most.

Relationship.

It is absolutely necessary for us to plant the seeds of friendship. To carefully tend the gardens that we plant, creating roots that run oceans deep.

We must RISK it all for the sake of loving and being loved, for the sake of creating community with one another.

We must learn to love well. Placing priority on making the most of every moment…. every day.

And, friendship is the soil in which the seeds of love are sewn.

Authentic relationships give us the opportunity for Christ’s love to excel and to propel…

Each of us.

To the place we are called to be.

A place of community with one another.

What kind of seeds are you planting today…. and how will you tend your garden?

BLOOM my friends…

RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED.

Two are better than one; because they have good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV

Filed Under: Encouragement, Friendships, Sisterhood, Womanhood

Don’t Give Up! Loving a Difficult Person

March 26, 2012 By Teri Lynne Underwood 12 Comments

Remember last month when I asked if you’ve ever wondered if managing all the “stuff” of relationships is worth it? And, if we are all honest, sometimes we feel like it’s just not. Well, I have to imagine that Ruth may have felt the same way at some point. Remember her? {Hint, there’s a book with her name in the Old Testament.}

Her husband died. Her brother-in-law died. Her father-in-law died. Her mother-in-law decided to move back to her homeland. And Ruth, because of the cultural expectation at the time, was obligated to go with her. But Naomi told Ruth not to come, freed her from the bond, and encouraged her to go home – politely at first, then more urgently.

Ruth refused, giving us one of the most poignant declarations of faith in all of Scripture … claiming not just relationship with Naomi but also belief and loyalty to Naomi’s God. {See Ruth 1:16-17}

Naomi’s response?

“And when Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more.” (1:18 ESV)

Nice, huh? No “Welcome” or “Thank you” or a word of encouragement or instruction. Nothing. Naomi said nothing. When they arrived at Bethlehem, Naomi had a declaration of her own, not of God’s grace and provision but rather a declaration of despair.

So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. And when they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them. And the women said, “Is this Naomi?” She said to them, “Do not call me Naomi; call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi, when the Lord has testified against me and the Almighty has brought calamity upon me?” (Ruth1:19-21 ESV, emphasis added)

Naomi was bitter … we know this because she renamed herself Mara. Naomi meant “pleasant,” Mara means “bitter.” Anyone enjoy spending a lot of time with a bitter person?

Naomi believed she had nothing … verse 21, “I went away full, and the Lord has brought me back empty.” I don’t know about you, but if I’d been Ruth, that would have stung a bit.

But rather than treat this bitter, negative woman who was in the midst of a great big pity party with equal bitterness or disrespect, we find that Ruth extended courtesy, respect, and honor … truthfully, that was far beyond what could be reasonably expected of her.

Sometimes we have to do that same thing, don’t we? Grace. It’s tough. Easier to just walk away. Ruth gives us this beautiful example of what a friendship between two women can look like … even if only one is willing.

Sometimes, my friends, we plant those seeds of kindness and it hurts to watch them be buried beneath the frost of someone who rejects our efforts. Learning to trust God’s timing in relationships can be one of our greatest struggles. Perhaps you are dealing with a friend who is bitter or “frosty” right now. It’s hard. But this I know: We can be sure that God remains in control and when we submit ourselves to His plan and His timing, what blooms will bring His Name honor.

How do you deal with the difficult people in your life? What lessons about grace have you learned through managing tough relationships?

Next month, we’ll continue looking at this story of Ruth and Naomi. There are some lessons in here we just can’t afford to miss. I’m already excited about what we’ll be exploring.

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